Wowza! So I didn't expect to be so ready to start thinking about having another child join our family as early as I did. Right after Christmas time just when I was starting to feel like I kinda knew what I was doing and had this 'mom' thing more under control (and more importantly, Declan was sleeping through the night), I start wondering... "What about a sibling?" I mentioned this to Matt (who thought I was a little crazy for even thinking it at this point, or a lot crazy) and he made me agree to wait and discuss it further once Declan was officially 6 months old (Jan 2013). Matt and I have known for a long time that adoption would be part of how we built our family. We just didn't know the when or how. Well, I proceeded to do my own research on adoption so come 6 months, we would be ready to officially get started (I discovered this process can sometimes take years, and we wanted our kiddos to be relatively close in age).
Turns out that adoption is going to be apart of our lives now, and we're learning how :) To answer a few of the questions we get asked... No, it wasn't that pregnancy was so terrible I don't want to do it again (I actually really liked it and will miss not being pregnant again--- recovery from labor and delivery and those first 6 weeks or so? Won't miss those a bit!!!) Matt and I both have a heart for the millions of orphans in the world (especially the third world) and feel like this is an area when we can make a tangible difference for at least one of them. And ultimately, we want more children and don't feel that they absolutely need to be biologically related to us for them to be our son or daughter :)
Where are you adopting from, and why? We discussed domestic adoption and adopting through the foster care system, but in the end felt more drawn to international adoption. Each country has its own set of guidelines for prospective adoptive parents (PAPs) such as age, income, number of children in the home, and other considerations such as the age of children available, timelines for completion of adoption, travel requirements, and stability of the foreign country's adoption program. Africa was a no brainer for us (we have very close family friends from Zimbabwe, and felt this is where the biggest need was). Realistically, there were about 5 countries for us to choose from. We narrowed it down to the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) and Ethiopia (ET). The DRC is relatively new to the international adoption scene and can be on the unpredictable side, whereas ET has been completing international adoptions for years with a stable program. When you invest this much love, time, and effort (and let's be honest... money too!) you want it to work out :)
After weeks of research on adoption agencies, we decided we felt most comfortable with Adoption Associates Inc. in Michigan (AAI for short; a smaller but very active adoption agency) for our international adoption agency. We then had to pick a local adoption agency to complete a home study (read: comprehensive social work study of EVERY aspect of your life), so Adoption & Beyond in Overland Park is completing that portion of our adoption for us.
Kind of like finding out you're pregnant, sometimes you wait a little while before announcing to the world and making it 'official'. This new child of ours may not be in our home for another 1-2 years so we didn't want to announce it to everyone everywhere from the beginning (I managed to make it almost 3 months without sharing! So hard!). Well, today we received our completed home study that approves us as adoptive parents!!! I got so giddy with excitement when I was reading our 14 page write up (yes, 14!) that I nearly got teary eyed. One big step done, but a lot more to go.
The international adoption process is pretty long and complicated but it breaks down to something like this...
-chose adoption agency and apply for services
-collect a rainforest's worth of paperwork about your entire life
-submit mentioned rainforest, have home study interviews, and obtain completed home study
-submit more paperwork to the USCIS (US Citizenship and Immigration Services), get fingerprinted for the 2nd time, and obtain approval from US government to adopt
-submit third and largest rainforest to foreign country along with USCIS approval and home study (collectively called a dossier)
-now you are officially on the 'waiting list'
-be matched with a child (we're anticipating a 1-2 year wait, and honestly we're not in a hurry)
-travel to foreign country to meet your new son/daughter and go to court hearings, visa interviews, and eventually bring them home to the US (this last part can take a few weeks to many months, and may require multiple trips)
We are timeline-wise still at the beginning of this whole process but paperwork-wise getting close to done. We joined AAI and were accepted at the end of January. February and March were nothing but paper chasing (birth certificates, marriage certificates, Dr visits for everyone including Declan, bank statements and past W2s, 9 reference letters, employer reference letters, employment verification, etc ) and completing education requirements (1 book, 3 videos, 1 weekend conference, 4 online education programs). April was interviews and home study completion. May/June should be USCIS approval, and June/July should be dossier submission :) Whew! I'm already tired. Then we start the waiting game.
My feelings before the home study: anxious, but feel silly for over preparing, I wanted to bake cookies which Matt said was "trying too hard" (I did anyways and had fresh lemonade too), gave me a reason to spring clean the house from top to bottom (the cleanest it's been since D was born), I'm sure it will go fine, I'm wondering if it will feel formal or relaxed (our social worker said it would be casual and not to worry about it), D will be awake for the first hour or so that she's here so I'm really hoping he's in a good mood and makes us looks like model parents :) Overall, a little nervous but I'm sure it won't be that big of a deal and she'll approve us as adoptive parents. All our paperwork from this point on, depends on what they say about us in our home study.
My feelings after the home study: that wasn't as intense as I was prepared for or had imagined, she didn't once mention how impeccably clean my house was, she didn't want a fresh baked cookie OR lemonade (both made expressly for this purpose, I however ended up eating a half dozen...), it was very casual like we were just visiting rather than being interviewed (other than the fact she had a pen and paper and was taking notes here and there), it took about 2 hours but could have been condensed into 1 hour I think, I so wanted to listen in during Matt's solo interview portion but like a good rule-follower I did not, and I'm confident about her recommendation.
Home study= 83 pages of personal information + 9 reference letters + 14 hours of education + 1 book + 3 Dr visits + 4 repeat visits to Matt's Dr to get the papers filled out right + 1 weekend conference + 4 vials of blood + 3 interviews + 1 tour of our home = approved as PAPs!
Next step... get the US Government to agree :) Bring it!