Fabulous Fall Fun

Declan is growing up so quickly! (How silly I feel saying that after hearing my mom say that to me for 20-something years...) He's 15 (count 'em!) weeks old now. I've officially decided I will not be a mom who continues to count in weeks or months when it is entirely unnecessary ("he's 17 months"... "so you mean like a year and a half, right??"). So, I'll re-phrase. He's 3 1/2 months old!! He's really coming in to his own little personality now, which is great. Top three words to describe him: smiley, talkative, and attention hog (it was either that or demanding, neither one is quite nice, but nonetheless true). He loves being the center of our attention (anyone's for that matter). He has his momma's looks with his daddy's beautiful every changing eyes. Blue-green-grey is spectacular with his dark little hairs (just like daddy!) He's still such a cute little chubby man! We go for our 4 month checkup at the end of this month and I'm excited to see how much he's grown! Not so excited about another round of vaccinations :/

While the weather was nice out this fall we made our best attempts to get out of the house and spend some time outdoors.......

(I'm assuming Declan summoned me at that point, it is now several weeks later, which makes the above info outdated. So I'll continue with newer stuff. Geez, where does all my time go?)

So, Declan is actually 4 months now. Our Dr. visit went well. He's doing all the right developmental things on track, and is in the 90th% for both height and weight. A whopping 17 lbs and a little over 26 inches long! What a chunky monkey :) He did much better with vaccinations this time around, and was all chatty and giggly during our appointment (so much so, that I had to pass him off to Dad so I could actually pay attention to what Dr. Andrews was saying and ask all my questions). Since my last update with pictures, we have had his 1st Halloween and Thanksgiving. I managed only one Halloween picture, and ZERO Thanksgiving photos! What is wrong with me?? Halloween we spent with our small group from church. I was determined to make Declan into an owl for Halloween, but I had no idea what Matt and I could be to go with him. Matt shot down nearly all my suggestions and finally said he's do whatever, so my official decision was Harry Potter. Matt went as Harry, I went as Hermione, and of course Mr. Declan went as Hedwig (Harry's trusty owl). My mom always made my Halloween costumes, so I followed suit and did the same for Declan. The owl costume was cute, but it turns out that 3 month old little boys don't' really like wearing costumes for very long. Here's the one picture we got...

 

I also really wanted that cute "baby in a pumpkin" photo, so here was my attempt... He actually gave his first string of real laughter during this photo shoot but I didn't move quickly enough to get it on video. And as an FYI- this was the pumpkin that we picked from the pumpkin patch/apple picking outing earlier in that week, it was 26 stinkin' pounds! Thanks to Matt for carrying it all the way back to the barn :)

Being cleaned/prepped in my kitchen sink

" Hahahaha," said Declan.

Kinda tasty

Squished up inside of it

Me, Mom, and the Pumpkin

Clean-up in the "big-man-tub"; note floating pumpkin bits...

This year for Thanksgiving, we hosted at our house because Declan was being dedicated at church the following weekend (our church does infant baptism, Matt and I are considering it a dedication). Note to self- holidays are much more stressful when you host even though cooking for 15 is actually kinda fun, like a strategy game or something. The turkey was an ordeal. Matt and I divide up the grocery list- he gets turkey- a FRESH turkey, about 1 week before we'll actually cook it- we freeze fresh turkey to keep it from going bad- we thaw turkey in refrigerator for 4 days- turkey still frozen- we quick thaw turkey in sink- my mom and I brine turkey overnight- then cook turkey- it comes out golden brown, moist, and picture perfect- whew- eat turkey and take nap (Thanks Mom for coming up the day before to help prep all the food!)

The church bulletin

I turned 4 months old on Black Friday!

Trying my best to roll out of the photo shoot!

Playing in my exersaucer for the first time :)

Some quick facts about Declan at 4 months-----

1. He rolls tummy to back and back to tummy now. Which makes him a Houdini at navigating all around his crib and getting arms and legs out the rails.

2. He usually sleeps on his side now, he doesn't like his back much anymore but isn't quite sure what to think about sleeping on his tummy (silly kid!).

3. Anything and everything goes straight into his mouth (your hand, his hand, toys, the carpet, you name it).

4. He's wearing size 6 month clothes, and is just about to grow out of them. His 6-12 month stuff fits better. We've been in size 3 diapers for a few weeks now.

5. He slept through an ENTIRE night exactly once (it was the eve of his 4 month birthday), and has yet to do it again. This milestone I am definitely excited about!! I'm talking from 9:30pm to 7:30 am folks :)

6. We are finally on a 3 hour eating schedule! Yipee! Another milestone this momma is thankful for after 2 weeks of eating every 2 hours, and 3 1/2 months of eating every 2.5 hours.

7. Naps finally improved beyond the chronic 45 minutes. On a good day, naps are now 1.5 hours :)

8. He's started doing that "I want down" thing where he makes himself stiff as a board so he's hard to hold onto. He'd rather be down exploring and playing.

How does she do it?

Life with Declan seems to keep me plenty occupied as evidenced by the 15+ magazines I've received in the mail since August and haven't read yet (to Matt's dismay at the growing pile!), the never ending cycle of baby related chores in addition to all previous chores (our sweet nanny Kayti helps out with those sometimes!), a house that is never quite picked up (welcome to our living room... uh, I mean, baby playroom?), the continued post-baby flab (who has time to workout when you're limited to inside the house; thanks a lot cold weather), and trying to maintain some sort of relationship with Matt and my friends amidst all the chaos (I'm pretty sure I haven't seen a great friend who co-hosted my baby shower since Declan was 3 weeks old!). My classic type A personality says that all work must be done before play can begin. If I keep that up, I might never play again (until all kiddos are out of the house anyway). Trying to relax a bit and embrace the whirlwind feels odd (who can sleep when the sink and counters are filled with dirty dishes?). So how does she do it? I'm gonna have to watch that movie to find out (maybe I'll find the time in a few years, so until then...).

I've had a bit of a mental breakdown over the past few weeks returning to work. Working part-time has been a dream. I absolutely love it and wouldn't want to work any more or less! Enough time to keep up my skills and spend some adult time sans Declan out of the house, but still 5 days a week that I get to play stay-at-home mom. But it also means 2 fewer days of chore time around the house, which goes back to the 'mostly work/little play' problem. However, my friend Rachel is wise beyond her years and always seems to reach the next point in motherhood clarity right before me (her little lady is 3 weeks older than Declan). I keep an eye on her blog and usually find that I'm dealing with something she just passed through. I love how she is constantly reminding me that God is not overwhelmed. So, I've decided to post one of her last blog entries (it's like finding THAT card, that says what you wanted to say, but says it so much better!). Per Rachel: (I'm sure this is copyright infringement but I did give her fair warning I would be re-posting! Maybe she didn't take me seriously. Time is in short supply people.)

"Love in a word is the gift of self."  -Pope John Paul II

Big change in my life seems to bring all my unhealthy habits and traits into full view. It pulls them out of the corners and caves I try to shove them into and throws them out for me to take a good look at.

I experienced a wave of similar feelings the first year Matt and I got married. My marriage was a big reflective mirror into my heart that made me realize I had much progress to make in the areas of patience, forgiveness and selflessness. I felt so undeserving of such a wonderful husband who seemed to have no problem in any of these areas. I learned a lot about having grace for yourself and to be thankful for the blessings God had gifted me despite my flaws. Everyone always said the first year of marriage is the toughest. They were right, but not in the way I expected. It was tough because I had to deal with a lot of things that Matt had already accepted me for, without me knowing those problems were even there. It was a very eye opening year.

And now here I am again, in the midst of big change, struggling with my own weakness. I admitted when we started this journey of parenthood that I was nervous of it rocking our boat. We had lived together before Rowan for almost 5 years. We had a pretty good balance going of working hard and enjoying our free time together. I knew having a baby would require sacrificing some of this but I figured we could find a new balance that wouldn't be so bad.

I didn't allow myself though, to think through what that sacrificing would look like. Here is what I am learning it looks like

-No more staying up to 3am and sleeping in until noon if I want
-No more catching up on my shows for half a day after my work week is over
-No more coming home Sat morning after working Friday night to backrubs and snuggles before I drift off to sleep
-No more taking my time in the bathroom to paint my nails, pluck my eyebrows, shave in a way I don't miss any spots, or ever soak in a tub
-No more family bike rides
-No more organized family room
-No more skipping lunches because I am too lazy to make something, I'm feeding two people now
-No more spontaneous date nights during the weekdays
-No more running into the gas station for a Dr. Pepper while my tank is filling up
-Less "smart grocery shopping" that would allow us to save money but meant I went to 3 different grocery stores, we are lucky to make it to one most days.
-Less disc golf
-Less alone time
-Less crafting/sewing/gift making
-Less new music listening
-Less picking up extra at work
-Less committees I have time for
-Less shifts with my closest work friends

I could probably think of more things I have mourned over the last 15 weeks if I tried harder, but I don't want to. When I step back from my little pity parties I have here and there I am hit with the fact that I am incredibly selfish. I look at this list and say get over yourself! Oh boo hoo your house is a mess and you didn't get a pop. It makes me embarrassed to list them out like this and look at what my life is "missing." I would give up any of these things for Rowan in a heartbeat, so why then is it so hard to be ok with letting them go?

I have been praying and struggling with this issue for a few weeks now but just recently have found words to express it. God has once again gotten ahold of my heart and reminded me to get it in check.  It's as though I have to teach my forgetful heart how I am called to live all over again. I am so good at being selfish if I let my focus wander and I hate that about myself. I have to re-remove idols that have crept back into my life. I have to prioritize my days not by the most urgent things but by the most important things....and those are not always the same. I have to die to earthly desires and put people first, esp my family. And most of all I need to find the joy in sacrificing. I know it's there when I look beyond my selfish tendencies, I just need to focus in on it.

This is also a good reminder as a parent to be patient with Rowan just as God is patient with me.

"Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light." 

Micah 7:8

I love everything about her post. Her honesty, her insight, and the bible verses that are so applicable. Thank you Rach, for being that chic momma I can look to and gain some perspective (this is one of many posts, that I have LOVED reading and re-read frequently). God is using you in many great ways. Thanks for being a blessing ;)

Back to Work

This past week was my first week back to work, and Matt's first week to start traveling again. Somehow, my ingenious husband managed to get 13 weeks off work (given that there was a little online "training" he completed during a few of those days). I only got 12 weeks, and I had the little stinker! Lol! I was definitely nervous about Matt being out of town. I can get cabin fever pretty bad being here by myself with Declan. Luckily, my mom has had some time off work recently and spent a week up here with us (and is coming back for a few more days next week!!!). Anyway, Declan and I's first official day alone was Monday and things went great. I wasn't too worked up about working again because I was looking forward to some time out of the house, and a little break from being Mommy 24/7.

Unfortunately, I started coming down with a sore throat Monday, that worsened Tuesday, and was a full blown head cold on Wednesday. The pharmacist I talked to at CVS said Tylenol or Ibuprofen were the only safe things I could take since I was nursing. BOO!! That meant 2 terrible nights of sleep. About 5 hours each night, then feeding Declan, and being gone for a 14 hour day. I was completely exhausted by Wednesday night. So I decided to look at Kellymom.com to see what they said (my pediatrician recommended this website for advice if I had simple questions related to all things baby and mom; great website!). Kellymom broke it down for me, turns out I could have a few things. Claritin as an antihistamine, phenylephrine as a decongestant, and nasal spray for congestion as well. So I've added those things to my head-cold-fighting arsenal. I feel moderately better this morning. I'm getting ready to hang my head over a steaming bowl of hot water and then plan to Netti pot my nose too. I figure it can't hurt. Oh, and drink tons of water (very important!).

The whole work and pump thing was better the second day, even though I was floated to PICU and had a busy day. I kind of figured out a routine that will hopefully work for me. Nurse Declan at 5am, pump afterward, pump at work around 9am, 1pm, and 5pm, and then nurse again at 8:30pm for bedtime (pump again if needed). I realized my first day that pumping 3 times was ambitious, and I only managed to get 2 in (which lead to a full and sore chest by the time I got home, I nearly drowned Declan I think!). Hopefully I will get a little quicker at the process and it won't take me 20 minutes to get it all done. I'm going to shoot for 15 minutes next week.

Another important note to add about going back to work, I'm only working part-time!!!! Woohoo! After being away from Declan for 2 days in a row, today has brought back my appreciation for the time I have at home. After 12 weeks, you start taking it for granted. I've already changed 2 blowout diapers and given an extra bath (our nanny, Kayti, just gave him one last night!) and I didn't even mind :) Which brings me to another important note, we have a nanny!

Let me introduce you to her. Kayti graduated from Missouri State in 2008 with a degree in Fine Art (emphasis in painting), and a minor in creative writing. She is 26, and has held two prior jobs as a nanny since graduation (once for a baby girl, and the second time was two baby boys). She has travelled quite a lot as well. She just recently returned from South Korea after teaching English there for a year. Now that she's back in the States, she's doing some freelance writing which allows her to be pretty flexible with her schedule, which works out just great for us. Declan really seems to get along well with her (he takes longer naps for her than for me!!!). We really like Miss Kayti and are excited to get to know her even better as she spends the next year taking care of our little mister :)

Current Declan Factoids:

• He loves splashing about in his bathtub. He's growing so fast, I think we're going to have to say goodbye to whale tub and move up to the real tub soon :(
• He's down to just 1 feeding a night (usually) that occurs anywhere between 3-5am
• He's still quite the talker and loves to sit with us and chat away (even Kayti mention what a talkative little man he is!)
• We've made a few outings during these last weeks Matt and I were both home: Deanna Rose Children's Farm twice, and to Cider Hill Family Orchard for apple picking and the pumpkin patch. Declan got a giant pumpkin which I fully intend on gutting and put him inside for a cutesy picture :)
• He's really taken an interest in books, so we all went to the library and checked out a stack of books just for him (yes, I'm going to be THAT mom. The one who's kids are checking out 20 books each, and have their own little reusable bags just for their library books...)

I have no words for this face, but it sure makes me
smile every time I look at it!

The start of tummy time...

...the end of tummy time.

Either plotting his escape or plans for world domination.

All snuggled up (top of mattress elevated
with text books, and nest to keep him from
rolling downhill).

Blow out #2 in less than 3 hours!

My first time going to church!

Watch me grow!

We had our 2 month dr's visit complete with 3 shots and 1 oral vaccine. Declan is now weighing in at an official 13lbs 12oz and 23 1/2 inches long, which puts him in the 80-90th percentile! Big boy! I was pretty nervous about the shots; didn't know if I'd burst into tears or what. Turns out I didn't, but poor little buddy sure did! I had heard of the standard silent cry that turns into sobbing screams for about 3 seconds, then was over. Not Declan. Huge red faced silent cry for 5-10 seconds followed by a full minute of serious crying and then continuous whimpering for another minute or two! Such big alligator tears too :( The nurse was quick though and gave him some sweet baby bandaids (hello Cars and Toy Story). It's been a full 24 hours since he had them, and he's really been fine every since. He may have been just a little bit extra sleepy and fussy yesterday (or I'm imagining it just because I expected it to happen) but he's done just fine today. Good for him!

He was less than thrilled about getting vaccinated.

We started our search for a nanny for Declan 2 weeks ago, and we start interviewing those we like tomorrow. Big steps for us. One- hiring somebody that we're paying to take care of our sweet boy, Two- which means I'll be headed back to work soon (3 more weeks, but only part-time :) YAY!), and Three- Daddy will be headed off to work soon too (don't get me wrong, we know that we're very blessed that Matt's been off work 10 1/2 weeks at this point!). It's just so crazy how having a baby changes everything about you and your life. I can't think of a single thing that stays the same. I definitely takes some adjusting and some time to get used to. I have to map out my every activity for the day around when Declan will be eating or sleeping. Morning nap = chore time. Late morning nap = exercise time and shower. Afternoon nap = me time (somehow I haven't managed to do much of this, since I just finished folding laundry, showered -didn't get that in before he woke up last time-, and have approximately 10 magazines to look at because I haven't had the time to sit down and relax! this is my quick me time before we wakes up again). Early evening nap = start fixing dinner and do dishes. Late evening nap usually doesn't happen. He tends to just be awake if not fussy too between this time and bedtime. We're still trying to figure out a schedule for the evening that will help him to sleep more at night.

Sleep. The dreaded 's' word. I don't want you asking about it. I'll let you know when he's finally sleeping though the night (STTN for all those non-parents who are as obsessed about sleep as I am right now). He currently gets his last nursing between 8 and 8:30 (based on when he woke up that morning which is usually 7:30-8:00am) and wakes up to eat around 2am and 5am. He's 9 weeks old and still getting up twice. Lame. I sincerely hope he drops the 2am feed before I go back to work. A solid 8 hours of sleep (or more!). Yeeesssssssss. What I dream of. We've tried adjusting bedtime, didn't help. Tried a dream feed between 10-11pm, didn't help. He's just gonna have to do it himself. It doesn't help that the handout my ped's office gave us yesterday states that by now he should be only getting up once to feed in the night and that we should be delaying that feed, if possible. If the 2am feeds continues as he gets older, apparently it becomes habit rather than hunger and it's even harder to break. Boooo. Okay, enough ranting. It's out of my system :)

Declan Fun Facts:

-He LOVES his mobile over his changing table. He babbles and smiles at it every diaper change. A well spent $4 at IKEA!
-His favorite toy (a multi-purpose, bright colored, black/white patterns, rattling, vibrating, crinkling bug-flower combo thing) was picked out by Matt on a pre-baby shopping trip to BuyBuyBaby.
-Morning time, like most babies, is his extreme happy time. Sometimes, when I get him out of his crib in the morning, he wants to talk, laugh, and smile so much that he won't even eat for the first 15-20 minutes! Most of our best smiley pictures are from this time of day.
-I've been taking pictures of Declan in a laundry basket to get an idea of how much he grows month to month. It's incredible to look at those and see all the changes.
-He takes 2 small 1oz bottles a day. This is how we give him his Vitamin D and Zantac, and it helps him get used to the bottle as well for when I'm at work. (like he would ever have problem sucking on something put in his mouth!)
-He rolled over independently this morning a few times in a row!! What?!? It's so early for that stuff!

Watching a KC Sporting game with dad.

His first 5K!

MORE FACES:

"You talkin' to me?"

Still waking up

"The Big Cheese"

"Hey there, good lookin'!"

I'm 8 weeks old!

Our 'little man' or 'little guy' or is not so little anymore! He was good sized at birth (8 1/2 pounds), and man oh man is he growing like a champion. We're going to have a big guy in no time! He's got a double chin and dimples on his knees and elbows :) He's also become a master face maker. Love the new looks he's discovering each day. The one I like to call 'frownie face' I haven't caught on camera yet, but hope to soon (it'll break your little heart!).

'Studly'

'Thoughtful'

'Just Woke Up'

'Drifting Off'

'The Eye'

'Silly'

'Pay Attention To Me'

'Excitement'

'Chill'

Newborn Photo Shoot Favs

These were done what seems like "a long time ago" but really just about 5 weeks ago! Ok, so that's a long time in baby years (or weeks as it would be since he's 7 weeks old today), but better late than never. Enjoy some of our favorite photos...

Look at those sweet baby blues!

Daddy and his boy :)

I love those little eyes.

Classic naked baby :)

Check me out!

I love all his faces.

He's either surprised or he just gave himself a right hook... maybe both.

Sweet little baby feet

Hey Becca, It's me... Future "Mommy" Becca

Here are some things I wish I knew or thought I knew about taking care of a baby....

1. "I thought babies were supposed to sleep?" -Matt
       Don't get too worked up about Declan not sleeping well. He's a baby (as Matt will frequently remind you). Turns out he's just got gas pains (hello gas drops!) and reflux (hello zantac!). It won't last forever, he will sleep eventually. Just not as much as all your friends' babies, but try to remember they are also 3 weeks older than him. And in baby time, that makes big difference (they've already been alive twice as long as he has, give him time).

2. You don't need to follow every American Academy of Pediatrics rule.
       You're not at work and won't be reprimanded for doing what works best for your baby. Nap in the hoppy, sure. Nap on his belly, sure. Sleep in the bouncy seat at night to help reflux, absolutely. Use burp cloth to help keep paci in mouth, yep.

3. When people ask if he's a happy baby, it's ok that he's not there just yet. Turns out he's a little bit of a 'Crank'-enstein (again due to gas and reflux).
       Your friends' babies will lay quiet and content on a play mat or in a swing without being entertained. Declan will holler and demand your attention. Just take it to mean that he loves your face and likes having it nearby to adore :) And remember, he's happy just as often as he's cranky; it's just the cranky stands out more.

4. You are used to taking care of small and/or ill babies, of which Declan is neither.
       He is a big, healthy baby and will act as such. Meaning, when he wants to eat every 2 hours all day long, it's because he's hungry and growing. There's nothing wrong with him. Again, this won't last forever either. Be thankful he's such a great feeder!

5. Breastfeeding sucks sometimes.
       You're still his life line and are tied to him essentially 24/7. It will be uncomfortable for a few weeks but it will get better (seeing the trend yet?). Go with what feels right and what works for you. Not every baby is a textbook model.

Keep these things in mind and try not to worry about everything so much (easier said than done). It will only make you more worried and sleep deprived. And one more time, this won't last forever and you will surely miss it all, although you can hardly imagine that right now! You never thought you'd be sentimental about being pregnant until you saw the pregnant lady at the grocery store and all the good memories came flooding back (somehow all the negative things have evaporated from your brain!). Look at this picture anytime you feel discouraged and remember even though it's hard right now, he's worth all of it :)